smeg.blog

after several days of my blog site being down, i'm back!

something caused me to think about the most important people in my life, not quite sure what it was.  could have been a newscast about the war, could have been an especially dramatic episode of dawson's creek (yes, i love that show).  whatever the reason, it wasn't difficult for me to come up with 4 people in my life who stand out against the rest.  i move around so much, and i'm one of the oddest/craziest people in the way i act and think, that not many 'normal' people can handle me. 

not to say i don't care about the friends in my life thus far that are not included in this list.  i would gladly take a bullet for everyone who has ever been nice to me.  but it's easy to die defending good people.  i'm one of those who would jump in front of a stranger who was in the line of fire.  but these 4 people are the ones i would kill for.  i'm not talking about putting a beat down on someone holding a gun to their head.  i mean if anyone fucked with any of these 4 people, i would face life in jail/death penalty in the name of revenge.  don't ever fuck with them... ever.

so, here is my comic page for them followed by details about our relationships.

rob - my "big brother"

how/when we met: we met at his work through our friend jeff (who is now enemy cause he fucked over rob).  this was just last year, but we hit it off almost immediately, because rob is such a 'ladies man', but i'm not a lady.  just a girl who is so kick ass, that i can hang out like a guy.  we are both so laid back and no drama.

favorite memories: vc - our hangout.  if we are together, we will be within 'rob's block' (his work, his apartment, and the vc are all within the same block).  whenever we are there, it's carries the comfortable feeling of being home.  movie nites - these are usually after vc, we will just hang out and watch movies in his apartment.  cheesy as it is, these 'dawson creek' style sessions make me so happy.  my birthday - on my birthday this past year, rob was the only local friend i have to hung out with me.  we just got drunk, stuck some fireworks in the tail pipe of a H2, and walked around searching for our mortal enemy, jeff, to beat the shit out of him.  it was nothing spectacular, but the fact that i've never celebrated my birthday before, it meant a lot to me.  brian - the only date i've been on in the past 5 years was with this guy from my 'trading spouses' crew, who flew up from LA to take me out.  before he took me out, rob required that he go out drinking with us so he could play 'big brother' and see if the guy would be a gentlemen.  i've never had someone take this kind of protective measures to keep me safe... and because of my whole 'daddy complex' (my dad left before i was born, forever leaving me with emotional breakdowns related to 'dad' stuff), it was touching to have someone take care of me like that.  i feel like an emo bastard right now.

phil - me as a male chef

how/when we met: of course, alien ant farm steps in and defines my life once again.  my first LA show at was aaf at the troubadour, where i met phil and his fiance (he is no longer with her).  this was while i was in film school, so i'm gonna say 2003/2004.  

why he is in the 'fantastic 4': apart from the fact that he is the nicest and most loyal person i've ever met, phil is the only person who knows what is funny.  i've gone my whole life until now saying or doing shit that people just regard as stupid, due to their personal stupidity.  phil not only laughs at these things, he does it as well.  besides the VERY few stand up comedians that i've met (i'll blog later about zach), he has the power to really make me laugh.  that style that makes it difficult to breathe or hold in your pee.  despite the distance we have between us, he has made the effort to not only keep in touch, but remain one of my best friends.  i love him more than could be explained in an online blog... that phil is the only current reader of.

favorite memories: road trip - the first day i met phil, we bonded over our love of alien ant farm.  the next day we took a road trip together to meet the band in palo alto.  i have a tattoo to remember that trip, which, although a huge risk sleeping in my car with a stranger driving, was one of the best moments of my life.  hollywood promotions - to promote truANT, alien ant farm's last album on dreamworks, we made a video of us raiding hollywood with posters and such.  my favorite part was when we tried to sneak into the mother daughter tea party at hollywood and highland.  christmas party at mike's - after the christmas acoustic show in ontario mills, we were invited to mike cosgrove's home (the one that was on mtv's cribs) for a party.  the party was not as much fun as getting lost on the way there... we took the wrong jarupa (it was the 2nd jarupa!).  we passed a sad looking dog standing in the rain and phil said, what i consider to be, the funniest thing i've ever heard in my life... *pouty face* "i'm a dog in riverside".  strata show/ the diner - in all my attempts to quit drugs, the only person who was even the slightest bit supportive was phil.  and not just slightly... at the strata show he helped force feed me (cause i had gone 3 days without food); helped relax me when i went into the shakes; and when we went to the diner with the band afterwards, he held my hair when i was throwing up outside.  i couldn't ask for someone better to help me through that.  comedy - we went to a zach show together, we myspace each other the funniest hidden gems from youtube, even helped me steal a cone in san bernadino (which i had to carry while sitting on his lap in kadaver and vicker's car, cause we hitched a ride)... we do anything and everything in the name of fun.  

gramps - my favorite person. ever.

how/when we met: when i was born, i was taken to my grandparents place upon my release from the hospital.  he had made a giant sign that said, "welcome home magna".

why he is in the "fantastic 4": gramps is the closest thing to a father i had as a child.  although i lived with him, and he raised me as his own child, he never once appeared angry, frustrated, or upset with me.  to this day, whenever i'm around him, he acts like his only purpose in life is to protect me and make me happy.  i'm lucky that i've experienced unconditional love.

favorite memories: snowmobile - when it snowed, he would put bread bags over my shoes and take me for a ride on the snowmobile.  i would have my head buried in this back, holding on for dear life cause he would drive so fast.  i was never scared as long as i was holding onto him, even when we crashed.  the cow - gramps has lived in the same home since way before i was born, and he use to raise cows.  one day i was in the field petting one of them, and it bumped me a little bit, which knocked me over.  gramps instantly broke a coke bottle and chased the cow around the pasture for a good 20 mins.  he never had cows on the property after that.  "she's mine" - gran and gramps had this game where they would pick me up and each pull me towards them saying 'she's mine', 'no, she's mine'... back and fourth.  it's was just a stupid game, but still made me feel loved.  night time/pancakes - everytime i slept at their house (which is a lot, because i lived with them), gramps would come down in the middle of the night and cover my feet, because i kicked the blankets off.  in the morning, he would carry me upstairs and make my favorite food, pancakes, for breakfast.  he would cut them up, then offer me every topping known to man, even though he knew i only wanted butter.  he is 77, and he still does this ritual every time is spend the night.  he is a strong old guy.

tim - undefined, but perfect.

how/when we met - i was briefly employed by a canvassing company called 'dialogue direct' in 2005.  tim was one of the employees there, and for the very reason he is in my 4, he instantly became the only thing that got me excited to goto work everyday.

why he is in my 'fantastic 4': he is the only person i've met who has the potential to truly understand me.  although he has not yet made the effort, i know if he ever did, i would at last connect to another human being on a level that i have searched for all my life.  he doesn't judge me for being different, he encourages my 'crazy' behavior, and he because of his past, he is the only person i feel comfortable with when talking about emotional issues that haunt me.  no matter how good people's intentions are with their advice or input, they will never be able to comfort me without going through it themselves.  he has, and, like me, he is still able to enjoy life.  of course, i couldn't help but fall in love with him.  i'll admit that this feeling has been in me for years, but i just recently realized that it's unlike anything else i've ever felt, and it isn't going to leave me.  i've fallen hard into 'crushes' before, and although i was upset when it didn't work out, the feeling eventually disappeared.  with tim it's different.  i know it's not a crush, it's love... as ridiculous as it sounds i figured it out when i determined that the pain of him being with someone else did not hurt as much as it should, because i just wanted him to be happy.  i'm okay with my love being one sided, and i'm okay with him knowing how i feel.  i'm not gonna lie, it would be ecstasy and a dream come true to have my feelings reciprocated; however, if it never happens, i will continue to love him all my life.  

favorite memories: we're sexy bitches - the first memory i have with tim was when he made me stand on the street corner, hold his hands, and scream "we're sexy bitches!" with him.  nobody has ever asked me to do anything that required me to do something fitting to my personality trait of not following the unspoken rules of public conduct.  this was the first  time i had instantly felt a connection with someone, and it was deeper than many of my long term friendships.  the train tracks - we went drinking at a bar near tim's home one night, and after reaching the point of inebriation, he began walking me home (2nd and w. burnside, across the river).  when crossing on the steel bridge, we climbed up from the pedestrian walkway onto the fenced off train tracks.  the romance (not between two people, but explanation of the imagery) of the stars, the water, the city lights, the privacy, and being 'out of bounds' so we're seeing this image from a view few will get... that moment was perfection.  once we crossed, he had me lay down in the middle of the street with him, where we talked for a few minutes, then stumbled home.  despite what happened in my apartment, i still considered the early events of the night to be the most romantic of my life.  dancer in the dark - we watched this movie together.  simply put, he is the only person i have ever allowed to see me cry at a movie.  and he understood, appreciated, and consoled me.  heartbreaker.  mr. miyagi nite - following pat morita's death, tim joined my roommates and i in a 'mr. miyagi nite' filled with sushi, saki, headbands, and the karate kid.  everything about that night, including the fight we had (minus my asshole statement that i feel horrid about), made me love him more.  emails to alaska - upon my return from LA, i was given the news of tim's move to alaska.  it crushed me to hear about his move, and i thought my chances of continuing a friendship with him were over.  after finding him on myspace, i finally decided it was important that i tell him everything.  the way i feel about him, how much he means to me, and how, more than anyone i've ever met, he has changed my life for the better.  although he couldn't return the feelings, he didn't not push me away or dismiss me for the way i felt.  he was kind and heartfelt in his replies, and made more efforts to keep in touch with me.  any other guy would have been scared of it, and cut ties (especially if they lived that far away), but, like he always does, he did the opposite of "normal".  i love that.

so, those are my most prized and heavily protected relationships.  upon threats of pain or death, i will never let these people leave my life, because, although i am emotionally self reliant, i consider them to be a part of who i am.  it's these 4 that have given me any and all good qualities i have.  and, heaven forbid, anyone tries to fuck with them... that day will be their last.