smeg.blog

the triumphant return... well, the return of smeg

smeg — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:24:52 -0400

so, i've once again proven that i can't keep up-to-date on anything. i am happy to say that my sidetrack was politically based. i could sit here and write about everything that is/has gone on; however, i'm just not up to it at the moment.

i will however try out this handy youtube toolbar button here to post the video i made regarding the political movement i was attempting to make a difference in (maybe i did, who knows... i know at least one guy who only knew me as 'ron paul girl', so thats a win i guess).

super smeg! defending the honor of joe rogan

smeg — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 15:12:43 -0400

this is in reference to joe rogan's crusade to expose carlos mencina for the joke stealing hack he is:

ari, lopez, hughley, COSBY... carlos has stolen from all of them without regret OR even shame when confronted. he even spilled a stolen joke in a radio interview on the station that originally did the joke. rogan isn't going after him because he has nothing better to do, or to pick a fight. he is going after him because as a comedian (yes, funny as hell i might add) and a fan of comedy, to let someone in such a huge spotlight steal material from others greatly degrades the medium and every comedian who has been ripped off. the fact that carlos is so big right now is the reason it is such a problem. 'his comedy' is accessible by so many that would never look further than what is right in front of them. that is why joe is going so full force on his attack, not because the guy is stealing jokes. hundreds of comics do that. because the guy is making such a killing by stealing jokes. essentially, carlos is getting rich by screwing over the comic community.

he should be sued, not paid.

i didn't like any of that.

smeg — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 15:06:36 -0400

this one is short...

i was sitting outside of backspace today, and i heard, hands down, the funniest quote i've ever heard in my life. the quote isn't funny until you understand the way it was said; however, so before you read it, picture this girl in all black, talking to her very emo trendy gay friend, in a very serious (almost in tears) tone:

"she said she would rather act fake than real, because if she was real, she would just cry all the time."

you may now piss your pants with little school girl giggles.

old lady puking in a bucket. vacation complete.

smeg — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 12:31:25 -0400

the only thing i can think of to write about is the only thing currently going on... this SHITTY FUCKING VACATION. bullshit. pure bullshit. the guy i came to visit flakes out on me (then feels no remorse AND get's pissed that he has to 'deal with my shit'... 'shit' being my attempting to contact him, cause i'm 1000 miles away from home and supposed to stay with him). this is my 3rd visit to the celebrated 'america's shittiest hospital'. where the doctors will search for new and creative ways to cause more fucking pain than you came in with, and then charge for it. i'm only here today to have them get the crap they put in my arm when the first fucker cut open my arm, dug around in it, and packed it full of shit... without successfully numbing the area (screamed like a baby... with bigger lungs, a louder voice, and a more profane vocabulary). oh, and from changing the bandaids on my eternally pus leaking wound i learned a fun fact of the day: ant's dig pus. none got on me... that would have been even worse, but when i went to rewrap my arm, the little bit of the ace bandage holding the gause in place that had been stained with a little bit of the "drainage" was covered in ants and a whole train of them were heading towards it (after only 30mins. damn, i'm producing some tasty shit). i'm trying to take my mind off this whole experience. it would be easier if i was able to drive back home; however, i am stuck here for another week at least. the painkillers and antibiotics i'm on keep me from being able to drive long distance. being forced to stay in a situation that is slowly killing you makes every hour more and more painful. it also makes you mind start to look at everyone with the same caution you should have given towards the one who fucked you over. josh, the guy who went out of his way to hang out with me... the ONLY one... he got sick. i know that's not his fault, and i know he doesn't enjoy it. however, not to sound clingy-girl style, only because i'm down here for such a short time, and i don't know THAT many people, when he doesn't call for a few days at a time... well you can only guess where my recent mind fuck is going to take me. i hate it, because i'm not that girl. i don't obsess over the guy not calling, or what else he is doing, why he is avoiding me, etc... but when you add all my bullshit together it creates this temporary insanity that can only be cured through the presence of a friend. when none come to your rescue, in one of the rare times when you need nothing more than to sit in the same room with a familiar face, you can't help but feel alone in the world. not rejected by those you love, but coming to terms with the fact that no one ever liked you to begin with. you built these relationships in your mind, and they don't exist in real life. i can't determine if that's true, but some might call me crazy for thinking that. knowing that's insane to think that way... fully aware of the fact that i am being an annoying, bitchy, crazy, lunatic; i can't stop myself from thinking like this without the company of a friend to prove me wrong. everyday that goes by without that pushes me further into this state of self pity; and the more time that passes, the more i fear reaching the breaking point. it seems so close already... and i don't know what happens when i finally touch it.

balls dropping quicker than harry potter's did from movie 1 to 2

smeg — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 21:22:20 -0400

instead of writing about how shitty my "vacation" is going, here is an email i sent to someone i thought was one of the best friends i had. it pretty much says it all...

first, a little explanation for a few references you may not get:

1. this vacation was a trip i planned after i realized my friend ron would probably not follow through on his plan to come to portland and visit me. i had 8 weeks until i was starting work again, i had some extra money, and i was really stressed out, so i thought i could go see ron, and use all these factors towards a much needed vacation that would be spent with a great friend.

2. my first 3 days were supposed to be spent with mike (cosgrove); however, he got sick. although he was more than willing to let me stay there, he would not be up for much in the way of socialization, so i thought i would try to use the time to do more and make the trip really worth the drive (that didn't pan out).

3. i had an abscess on my arm that formed due to a bee sting that got a bit swollen and caused a small infection. i thought it would go away on it's own, and i didn't really have any pain from it, so i didn't really think it was a problem. three days into the trip, it got really swollen and painful, so i finally went to the ER. i won't go into the whole thing; however, it became a much bigger ordeal than it should have been. the first doctor failed to numb the area properly and caused me massive amounts of pain, and then proceeded to incorrectly treat the infection, making it worse. i was forced to return to the hospital the next day, in the most extreme pain i've ever felt. i was treated like shit, screaming and crying, but being told 'you're fine, you're fine' (cause i show i'm fine normally by screaming and crying). when they realized i was treated wrong the night before, they had to fix that mistake, as well as treat the actual problem and give me some much needed painkillers. so, i basically left costco with the whole pharmacy's inventory in bottles with my name on em.

okay, so here is my email to ron:

okay, i'm not the type to bitch and moan about meaningless trivial crap; however, this is a way too much for me.

when i saw you in pdx, i thought we had a lot of fun. after that day, you brought up that you would love to visit portland, and spend some time with me during your break (which at that point you said was 3 weeks). i was really excited, cause i love spending time with you... you're one of the nicest people i know. you have been rather flakey about these things in the past (with less than legit excuses); so as time went on, i kinda realized that it wasn't gonna happen. i still wanted to spend some time with you, so i thought, 'i have 8 weeks off, and i can't take other work, i have some extra money, and i now have a car... since ron can't make it here, i can go there instead.'

you were the reason i came down here. yes, i made other plans as well (which also fell through when they got sick. but they were still willing to follow through on their promise, so i at least had a place to stay); however, the purpose of this trip was to follow through on the plans you and i made. when i mentioned this to you, you were very supportive of the idea. even as i was driving down to california, you would IM me saying 'i'm really excited to see you... i get to see you soon... etc...'. you made it very clear, many times, that you wanted to make this trip a 'relaxing break' for me. i came here putting my faith in that. my life has been so stressful and strait up shitty for a long time, and i NEEDED a break. based on what you had told me, i thought i would see you on the 3rd, and stay with you for at least 4 or so days. last minute, you mention you have a wedding to attend, but even then you said 'mid-august', so i assumed that meant "mid-august", not the 7th.

because i have other friends in LA, i decided to come down 3 days early, for which i made plans to stay with other people and see my "LA friends". then, on the 3rd i would meet up with you, having already seen the other people i wanted to visit, and have some relaxing days of vacation time, as you promised me MANY times over. i get down here, barely hear from you, and once i finally do, i get: it'd be cool to see you maybe one day this weekend when i'm free. WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!!!???! this is not like i'm pissed at you for flaking out on meeting me up at a bar. this is you flaking out on a promise, a responsibility, and a friendship. if you flaked on me at a bar, i would be pissed for a second, but then just have a drink, go home to watch a movie, and not be upset. but i'm over 1000 miles from home. i did not make plans for 'places to stay' or 'people to hang out with' other than the first 3 days, cause YOU had offered and we made plans. you said you wanted to make sure i'm relaxed, so i'd have a break from all this stress that has been piling up on me.

but you know what i have now? i'm MORE stressed than i was at home. i'm alone, because everyone i know down here has plans for the time i thought i would be with you. i'm sleeping in my car, because i can't afford a hotel, and i don't know anyone with room for me to stay. i spent so much money to get here, it's gonna cost so much to get back, and the costs are stacking up... i can't just go home and cook something cheap, i'm on my phone and wasting gas constantly looking for a place where i can at least shower, medical shit costs more here, taxes, etc... i'd go home now, and just be out the money i wasted; however, because of my health situation, the doctors said i'm not physically able to drive (other than short distance) for at least the next 6 days. so i'm fucking stuck in this hell hole, sleeping in my car, fucking alone, stressed, broke, and completely depressed over the whole situation.

i understand that your job is important. i understand that you don't want to walk away from that kind of money, or your working responsibilities. but, realize it or not, making plans with me that include me driving 1000 miles from home to hang with you... that is a responsibility to a friend. the fact that you take on more responsibility than you can handle doesn't bother me, but i shouldn't have to pay for that. nobody has ever done anything this malicious to me. i say malicious, because people have screwed me over, and much worse than this; however, the reason i'm in this situation is ONLY because i trust you, and think you were are one of the nicest and most caring friends i have. the fact that i emotionally, financially, and physically feel like gutter shit, only because i wanted to be with you...

it hurts. so. fucking. bad.

i'm sure i seem over-dramatic, maybe i am. but you gotta understand... i felt like shit. i came here to escape that, because i was at my breaking point. that isn't your responsibility at all, and i don't blame you for that. however, you promised i wouldn't have to deal with it if i came here, so i put full faith in you; however, i walked into even more extreme shit than i had going on. i can't carry that much. i can't. i was so ready to let it all go and rest, but...

fuck. ron. you were the nicest guy i knew. i cared about you more than almost everyone else in my life. now what?

~smeg

***** the unmentioned (better than) good point ******

josh, a guy i had met (once again) through the ant farm crowd, i had kept in touch on line for a few years. he has saved this trip from being total shit. i'd go as far to say... this trip is justified by him and him alone. i didn't even expect to hang out with him, at most see him at a bar and talk for a minute. however, he is the only one who has made an effort to spend time with me. moreover, our time together turned out amazing. amazing in a way that... if i didn't live so far away, i would want to attempt (for the first time in 5 years) to actually convince a guy i'm 'girlfriend material' (i'd totally fail, cause i'm a loser that way, but i would TRY). so, josh, if you ever read this... THANK YOU. out of all these people i loved and cared for with all my heart, you were the only one who gave me a reason to continue feeling this way towards people. you proved that not all the people i think i SHARE trust, love, friendship, and all that mushy shit... you proved that not all of them will prove themselves false. i owe you huge for that one ;) plus... the beach was fun as fuck (other than the sand. especially chewing the sand... how the hell did that happen?)

cheez-it is in a plastic bag... i didn't put him there

smeg — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 21:19:19 -0400

so, because i'm watching the short lived 'late world with zach' (while cheez-it crawls in and out of a plastic bag... crazy like his daddy), i feel the time has come to share my zach galifianakis story.

i saw him perform long ago on 'late night with conan o'brien'. i loved him instantly, due to my personal sense of humor being rather odd and off-beat; in that way that is understood to be incredibly intelligent, or incredibly stupid... it didn't hit racial, political, topical, or other standard comical devices; but rather those odd and random little quips that tug at my 'weird-o' strings. i love stand-up comedy in the way most people love musicians; however, it is rare for me to find one that can make me really laugh. i'm not going to force myself to laugh at a comedian that i don't find funny. i'm not saying i could do better, or that it is easy; however, as selective as i am in what i find funny, it's an even harder task to make ME laugh. zach achieved this with such ease, that i instantly devoted an intense night of internet searching to finding what i could about him. upon my search, i came across his website. although fairly simple, it did contain a 'contact zach' email address that i, rather childish and half heartedly, wrote a 'will you marry me' style fan letter to. it was meant as a joke, being that i did not believe this was his personal email address, but that of his web page creator, manager, friend, etc... when i received a reply, i was a bit taken aback; however, believing it was one of the aforementioned people playing into my joke, i began a correspondence. after 5 or 6 replies over the course of a few months, whoever 'zach's' email responses were coming from mentioned he would be coming through portland soon, and requested my phone number so he contact me to meet up when he was in town. i agreed, believing that though this was a joke, whoever this person was had been very kind and funny in his emails; so he would be worth meeting. a week or so later, i was spending the night with some new (very short lived) friends, and i received a call from a los angeles area code number. i answered and the first sentence spoken was:

"hey meg, it's zach... the guy with the beard."

it was really him. i was in shock. we spoke for a moment, and he invited me to come meet him that night at his hotel, and we could go out to grab a drink. i headed down to the vintage hotel, and waited in front of his orange VW bus, as he had instructed me to. across the street, i was instantly focused on a short man wearing a brown sports jacket and jeans with a large beard and reddish brown hair. he smiled at me, crossed the street, and introduced himself. i don't think the butterflies in my stomach stopped doing backflips the whole nite. we began to walk through downtown, looking for a place to sit and talk. it was dark out, and the city lights had lit the streets perfectly, to which zach noted, "portland is such a beautiful city." as if that was their cue, two giant rats ran out of the bushes and crossed in front of us. we paused, turned and looked at each other, and after a moment i finally replied, "yep... beautiful." we ended up at virginia cafe, and although i don't think he knew i was only 19, he offered to buy me a drink. i made some excuse and just drank water during our few hours together. over the course of his slow waltz into drunkenness, we discussed movies, his new 'meeting people who contact him online' movement, and his 'engagement' to anna nicole smith. he wrote down a bunch of woody allen movies i should see on a napkin (which i still have... photo will be posted soon). i think it was due to my excitement/awe/adolecent awkwardness/stupidity mixture i had going on, i didn't take photo documentation of this moment, on of the greatest of my life; even though the camera was at my side all night. when it came to an end, i was almost relieved, because the excitement was literally making my stomach churn to the point of nausea; although, i would have gladly sat through hours of sickness to remain in his company.

i have spoken to him a few times since, and he has never forgotten me... or even needed to be reminded of our meeting. so many people always claim to 'know' a celebrity, and when they see them again, they have to remind them of their name, place/date they met, the one sentence conversation or minor event they shared... and i don't often brag about my celebrity associations because of that fact (plus it's lame and nobody gives a shit to begin with); however, this is more than just a story about the time i 'met someone famous'. this is about how someone famous met me. how this amazing comic i admired pursued a chance to meet a fan, rather than give into a fan attempting to make contact with him. this is just one more reason i think this man is one of the greatest comics ever to grace the medium.

much love to zach, and a huge thank you for being a true fan of his fans.

..and the law won. but he started it.

smeg — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 15:22:01 -0400

so, today put me in a sour mood strait from the beginning. that's a lie, it started off pretty neutral: watching dvd bonus features on rob's couch. thinking meters were unneeded on weekends, i returned to my car to find 2 parking tickets and a warning that it would soon be towed. as tired as i was from getting no sleep the night before, i drove my car to the east side mall parking lot, and returned to the pioneer courthouse square area on the max. i spent the day online at the coffee shop; however, found myself not wanting to be social with my friends hanging out there. upon hearing about my misfortune, my friend rory demanded i allow him to take me to see the new harry potter movie. although i was less than excited to sit through it at that moment, i went. i'm so glad i did, because it was the greatest film to be released in the the series to date.

i always forget that when i'm in one of those bad moods, the right friend, film, or song has the power to completely pull me out of it. for the many many MANY times that it's happened, it never fails to completely surprise me.

just had that 'showed up at school with no pants' dream

smeg — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 15:18:41 -0400

how embarrassing.

as predicted, i slacked my ass off horribly on this blog. i'm seriously attempting to give this one a chance, so please forgive these massive plot holes in my life. or, to make aids into lemonaids, think of them as "intermissions", and take the opportunity to go down to the lobby and grab yourself a snack.

i know the unfortunate soul to stumble across this, continuing to read in hopes of the slightest hint of useful and/or entertaining information, is wondering what has transpired during my month long sabbatical. although from my position, it appears to contain only ass sitting, [adult swim] watching, and pop tart eating, i've actually had a few big events occur. as well as some small, but special ones. i'm sure i'll remember random things throughout my recollections, and i ask you to bear with my sporadic and extremely non-linear report on my un-blogged time.

all major developments in my life revolve around my new job, production coordinator for a larger budget indie film. as glamorous as this job sounds, trust me that it is accompanied with some downsides... horrific downsides. for starters i was hired by a friend of a friend of my mom's... double whammy. first off, because my mom had the slightest part in this transaction, she will hold it over me throughout the job, any proceeding jobs that come from it, with potential for 'life long' nagging. example: i needed a car to get this job. any other job, even with million dollar contracts, she would never allow, let alone help, me obtain the use of a vehicle. knowing this, i originally turned down the job, however; because she was involved in the smallest, sideways, ass-backwards way, she yelled at me for not attempting to get a car. how is a girl with no money, no expendable possessions, no current employment, living in her parent's barn supposed to get a car, insurance, new license, gas money, and everything else? well, the fact that i failed to pull that rabbit out of my ass earned me a good few hours of pissy mother (followed by a few hours of pissy rod for actually getting the car... no fair double lecturing from opposite sides!!!). second, the guy who hired me is creepy. not that stalker in the corner creepy, or even drunk guy at the bar creepy... i can handle that. the best i can compare it to is the one time i was alone downtown, it was very early morning and raining, so the streets were empty. facing the coffee shop windows, hunched over to protect the small flame lighting my cigarette, i failed to notice the middle aged, worn down, disgusting man who had crept up behind me. i felt something on my shoulder, and shifted my eyes to find this nightmare of a face resting just beside my own; at which point he whispered, in a tone i can only describe as aggressive, "you're looking so attractive."

- pause - replay that scene in your head and let it sink in -

adding to the shit list is the fact that after going through all the rushed turmoil of the car issue, the production was immediately pushed 8 weeks. so, here i am... with an awesome job... and 8 weeks of unemployment.

apart from that, i also had the chance to see ron, who i consider to be... a crush, i guess. ron and i have a strange past that, like so many things in my life, stems from the band alien ant farm. being both a friend of theirs, and selling touring band merch for a living, he was employed as their merch guy. when i first moved to LA to pursue film school, i had no friends, and a horrible case of social anxiety. however, both of these could not keep me from attending my first in a long string of ant farm shows, where i met phil williams (one of my current best friends). strata was the opening band, and both kadaver and ron were working at the show. because phil and i hit it off so well the first night (despite his jealous girlfriend's disapproval), we planned a road trip to palo alto for the following days show. once we arrived at the boardwalk (the venue), we spoke momentarily to michele, ant farm's manager, about our disappointment that both shows had not been included in those that offered a 'band meet and greet' advertised on the website for this tour; so, she said she would try to figure out a way for us to get in free and possibly meet the band. just after the band performed, kadaver mentioned seeing us at the last venue. we decided to buy t-shirts, and while at the merch booth, we met ron and adrian, the drummer for strata. we began speaking to both of them about seeing them the night before, and our trip, and adrian left to see if he could find us some backstage passes. during our wait, i spoke with ron a little longer, and found him to be an absolute sweetheart. adrian returned shortly with a pass for phil and i, and we headed back. the story of my first time 'backstage' with alien ant farm (including some time spent on the bus) is a whole other blog's worth of writing, so i will skip the rest of the events of the night for now.

from then on, every strata or alien ant farm show i attended, phil always came with me, and we always spent some time speaking with ron. during a party at mike cosgrove's (aaf's drummer) house, after the acoustic ontario mills show, kadaver let slip that ron had a crush on me since our first meeting. at the time, i was a little disappointed over this, because i felt bad for not liking him back. it wasn't that there was anything to dislike about him; i just felt he was in a different stage of life, involving a career and a more 'adult life'; whereas i was still attending school, and working a minimum wage job. also, although at that point, we were considered 'friends' of these people; i still felt that sense of separation between real life and celebrity. however, over time, that barrier broke down, and a while after school ended, i went on my first date with him. we have always had a great time whenever we go out, and i grew to really like him. and although i know he is one of those rare men i could grow to truly love, i have restricted myself due to knowing we could never be together. i don't believe long distance relationships work, and with a man that tours for a living, combined with my love of spontaneity, and never knowing where i'm going to end up, it would always be long distance. this fact also make it hard for me to allow myself to be romantic with him at all when i do see him, because i know it is going nowhere. during our times together, it takes a few uncomfortable hours of internal debate before i even kiss him. alcohol helps.

when he was in portland with fall out boy, it was also the night of the mc chris show. we only had a few hours for me to show him around town, grab ourselves so food and a few drinks, and then head back to the show to make out on the bus for a while. since he left that night, however, he made one of his many "promises" about him coming to spend time with me once he was done with work (i say "promises", because i've heard that from him a few times before, and he has never yet followed through). i decided that i really wanted to have the chance to spend more than just a few of his working hours with him, so i decided i would drive to LA for a visit during both of our time off. my plans are to leave around august 1st.

the last major event of this past month, was the mc chris show. despite from the fact that i enjoyed the show, i have since lost a lot of respect for mc. it's depressing when people don't live up to the image you created of them in your mind. i usually take responsibility for that shortcoming, but, to make matters worse, i can't do that with him. i built him to be this really sweet, down to earth, no bullshit, talented guy who really cares about people who help him out or support him; and i came up with that persona from his blogs, interviews, etc... i didn't just fill the missing pieces i had yet to discover about him with personality traits i thought were fitting and impressive, like i do with most people i find to be less than my idea of who they are. i went out of my way to get him information about a transformers movie promotion from dreamworks pictures, that got him $100's of dollars worth of free stuff, and all the people who attended the eugene show posters and coupons for the video game; i also gave him a copy of a dvd i though he'd like, marvel zombies issue 1, and a book of milk and cheese comics. i approached him and said 'hi', and from the start of the SHORT conversation, he was very cold. first off, he didn't even look in the bag i handed to him with the dvd and comics in it, but just threw it on the table with a quick 'thanks'. he gave a quick, and unheartfelt 'thanks' for the help with the transformers promotion, and when i mentioned i couldn't make it, he said he would get a photo of everyone with their posters for me, to which i added, 'and you gotta send me a picture of the optimus prime figure your getting, along with a quick note on what you think of the game.' of course, i have yet to see any of those, or even given the slightest bit of credit for all that shit. and after about 30 seconds of talking to him, i could tell he was so uncomfortable and obiviously wanted to be anywhere than in my company; so i made up an excuse to leave and put him out of his misery. i just don't get it. i have never found any performer like him, who i enjoyed for the sheer fact it glorified my nerdiness... but i can't seem to let that fact keep me from being less than enthusiastic about him. i still want to find him cool comics or movies, or help him set up a show at an arcade, or find a way to get free hotel rooms for his tours; but, i know it will never give me the response i want, which is just a feeling of comfort and acceptance as an equal from a person i admire. i'll always get the, 'hurry up and leave so i can go pee' vibe he does so well.

dear fuckin' hell, it's like trying to impress the 'cool crowd' at high school so you'll be invited to join them. you know it'll never happen, yet you still feel compelled to impress them just so they'll notice you for a moment. the difference is that now i know better than to allow myself to base my worth on his perception of me, so i will have to go through the pain of letting go of this substantial source of happiness in my life, because i just can't respect him like i did. plus, the 'cool crowd' in school always end up poor, stupid, or unhappy upon leaving high school; so i don't feel as though mc chris' not treating me great is a reflection of who i am in the slightest.. cause his shit will bite him in the ass eventually.

so, there is the missing month of blogs... now if i could just get to the internet to actually post this.

sickness is handy when you wanna sit on your butt all weekend anyway

smeg — Tue, 29 May 2007 10:53:41 -0400

i got sick this weekend. i can't say i enjoyed it; however, it gave me the greatest excuse to do nothing but watch all the star wars specials on this weekend (star wars 30th anniversary)! i wish it would go away now, but as luck would have it, i'll be feeling like crap a little longer. i think i could stand the stuffy nose, coughing, plugged ears, and sore throat a little longer... but the waking up in the middle of the night, sweating my ass off and wanting to puke... that can go.

my voice does sound pretty sexy when i'm sick.

maybe that's just my perception, and to the outside world i may sound rather manly. of course, these things always occur in the same order:

1. allergy attack (my nerd is showing)

2. sick with 3-4 weeks post sick cough attack/snot fest

4. fleas/bed bugs

i swear, i can't escape this trifecta of doom. i am snot rocketing everywhere; i feel like an asshole in movie theatres, and i look like i have chicken pox. not to mention the fact that when you get fleas/bed bugs, you become instantly paranoid. every slight itch becomes a freak out of epic proportions. it starts with a public seizure of scratching, slapping, and doing the "i just walked into a spiderweb" dance; followed by a 15 min. search for the flea you 'know' is still on the loose, waiting to strike again. and for the next 20mins you feel the suspect (fictional or not) everywhere. itches that would otherwise be non-existant are suddenly very apparent, not to mentioned they move, as though your mind is creating ways of proving your hypothesis of it being a live bug to be fact. this paranoia will stick for weeks, and requires mass amounts of bathing, washing clothes/bedding/towels/etc..., and fine tooth combing any place you sit or sleep before becoming as comfortable as the crisis will allow.

on a plus, mc chris is doing a mini nw tour. pdx, seattle, eugene (with a transformers premiere included!). i'm working on getting the ok to film the pdx show... fingers crossed. we better cross dicks too.

the comedians of comedy is pee-your-pants funny

smeg — Fri, 18 May 2007 17:28:05 -0400

"if you support george bush and you're not a billionaire, you're a dumb girl giving out blow jobs at a state fair." ~ patton oswald

that is just part of the brilliance of this movie. not to mention most of it takes place in pdx. it includes footage at the place my comic book guy has been kind enough to start attempting to get me a job. the breaking point of this being a brilliant flick: it has zach galifianakis.

i don't have much time to blog today, so my zach galifianakis story will come tomorrow. be prepared!!!!

post script: i updated my website links... check em out!

happy tim day

smeg — Wed, 16 May 2007 17:26:04 -0400

my friend tim (see my 'smeg's fantastic 4' blog from may 15th for info on tim) came in from alaska today. over the past 2 days i've only slept a total of 4 hours due to my uncontrollable excitement. i left my home at 4:45am and arrived at the airport around 6:30. the moment i spotted him in the baggage claim, my heart began that racing action that comes from either extreme happiness or fear. before i could muster a simple 'hi' i threw my arms around him and hugged him as i would a family member who was about to die. had circumstances between us been different, i would have held on much longer. we departed from the airport towards downtown where we had a day that, although on the lazy side considering our usual agendas, was incredibly special to me. we went to the coffee shop, powell's books, backspace, waterfront, coffee time, fred meyers, my comic book shop, and various other pdx staples. it was funny to regard the day as 'laid back', considering we covered more distance on foot that anyone else would go with me over the course of a week. the waterfront was, for lack of better description, and at the risk of extreme cheese factor, magical. it was a beautiful day, and we laid down on huge grassy hill with a perfect view of the water, where tim took a short nap and i listened to music. to be near someone and be so happy and content in the comfortable silence within a friends company is a feeling that is rare to find, but perfect. i was using every ounce of self control to hold myself back from wrapping my arm around him and falling asleep holding the person i consider to be the only one who has to potential to understand me fully.

i wish i could verbalize the way if feel about him, because i've defined it with the word 'love' (i don't toss that word around or use it lightly); however, the definition society has provided for 'love', even within campy romance movies, cannot begin to describe what i feel towards tim. i am such a strange person. nobody can understand my actions, my personality, my sense of humor (cept phil), my outlook on life, or my hopes for my future... nobody except tim. although he has not yet attempted to connect with me on a deeper level, i know any attempt on his part would wield higher results than anyone else in the world could hope to get. i don't know if i would be able to contain my appreciation for him in that scenario. and, as i've said before, i realized that what i felt towards him was love and not a fleeting crush, because throughout the whole day i felt pained with the restrictions keeping me from physically or verbally expressing my feelings towards him (and that he had commitments to save those feelings for someone else); and yet that pain was outweighed by the happiness of being in his company. that is how it dawned on me that i truly loved him rather than had a crush. that i would put his happiness above my desire to be with him, and i truly would. i would go anywhere and do anything for his happiness. literally. i would whore myself to an old man with aids just to earn the cash to pay for tim's plane ticket to his dream destination. there are no limits to the measures i would take to preserve this boy's happiness.

by far, the greatest moment of the day was introducing tim to my self proclaimed place of recluse, suicide bridge. to give up the pride in having a secret place of solitude and solace that, despite your excitement about it, you have manage to keep to yourself for 4 years, is a huge deal. had it been anyone else, i wouldn't have done it; however, to share this with tim, i felt no sense of loss or invasion. this is for the simple fact that i go there to reflect about life, and work out any situation i'm in, and tim is the only person i the world i would feel comfortable turning to with anything of that nature.

all in all a great day, apart from my sunburn.

post script: i came up with a t-shirt idea today. in big block letters: i'm overrated.

williams street web cam is boring

smeg — Tue, 15 May 2007 17:23:27 -0400

since my graduation from film school, i have had a few 'dream companies' i wanted to work for. williams street was at the top of that list, and continues to be my destination of choice. they are the creators/producers of most of adult swims shows and programming. so, i joined their online board, and found the live web cam set up in their offices.

so, the webcam is in this hallway that haas cutouts of their characters, some tables, garbage cans... and thats it. over the few days i've had it on, i've seen about 4 people walk from one doorway to another. i'd expect a company with such a dedication to entertainment use an opportunity like a live webcam and do something worth while with it. i mean, if you did something entertaining enough, eventually you could charge people to access the feed. at the very least, gain some new viewers for the channel. i'm going to start sending suggestions to the company on possible ideas for adding some fun to the webcam. i'm open to suggestions, and my list will grow over time, but here are a few i came up with:

1. put a mandatory use slip and slide in the hallway.

2. create theme days where the employees must dress up (ie. superhero day, embarrassing medical condition day, cliché day, etc..). at some point do a catwalk fashion show in that hall.

3. make the interns have embarrassing competitions in the hall.

4. a bobble head in front of a fan for 20 mins, then change the bobble head.

5. post a question on a chalk board in the hall, and have viewers send in answers. use the best answers in a coffee table book that comes out once a year, or create a monthly comic book whose adventures are based on the answers.

6. wind up toys that go through small openings in the wall.

okay, comment with any suggestions. hopefully i can get something good going.

smeg's fantastic 4

smeg — Mon, 14 May 2007 17:18:07 -0400

after several days of my blog site being down, i'm back!

something caused me to think about the most important people in my life, not quite sure what it was. could have been a newscast about the war, could have been an especially dramatic episode of dawson's creek (yes, i love that show). whatever the reason, it wasn't difficult for me to come up with 4 people in my life who stand out against the rest. i move around so much, and i'm one of the oddest/craziest people in the way i act and think, that not many 'normal' people can handle me.

not to say i don't care about the friends in my life thus far that are not included in this list. i would gladly take a bullet for everyone who has ever been nice to me. but it's easy to die defending good people. i'm one of those who would jump in front of a stranger who was in the line of fire. but these 4 people are the ones i would kill for. i'm not talking about putting a beat down on someone holding a gun to their head. i mean if anyone fucked with any of these 4 people, i would face life in jail/death penalty in the name of revenge. don't ever fuck with them... ever.

so, here is my comic page for them followed by details about our relationships.

rob - my "big brother"

how/when we met: we met at his work through our friend jeff (who is now enemy cause he fucked over rob). this was just last year, but we hit it off almost immediately, because rob is such a 'ladies man', but i'm not a lady. just a girl who is so kick ass, that i can hang out like a guy. we are both so laid back and no drama.

favorite memories: vc - our hangout. if we are together, we will be within 'rob's block' (his work, his apartment, and the vc are all within the same block). whenever we are there, it's carries the comfortable feeling of being home. movie nites - these are usually after vc, we will just hang out and watch movies in his apartment. cheesy as it is, these 'dawson creek' style sessions make me so happy. my birthday - on my birthday this past year, rob was the only local friend i have to hung out with me. we just got drunk, stuck some fireworks in the tail pipe of a H2, and walked around searching for our mortal enemy, jeff, to beat the shit out of him. it was nothing spectacular, but the fact that i've never celebrated my birthday before, it meant a lot to me. brian - the only date i've been on in the past 5 years was with this guy from my 'trading spouses' crew, who flew up from LA to take me out. before he took me out, rob required that he go out drinking with us so he could play 'big brother' and see if the guy would be a gentlemen. i've never had someone take this kind of protective measures to keep me safe... and because of my whole 'daddy complex' (my dad left before i was born, forever leaving me with emotional breakdowns related to 'dad' stuff), it was touching to have someone take care of me like that. i feel like an emo bastard right now.

phil - me as a male chef

how/when we met: of course, alien ant farm steps in and defines my life once again. my first LA show at was aaf at the troubadour, where i met phil and his fiance (he is no longer with her). this was while i was in film school, so i'm gonna say 2003/2004.

why he is in the 'fantastic 4': apart from the fact that he is the nicest and most loyal person i've ever met, phil is the only person who knows what is funny. i've gone my whole life until now saying or doing shit that people just regard as stupid, due to their personal stupidity. phil not only laughs at these things, he does it as well. besides the VERY few stand up comedians that i've met (i'll blog later about zach), he has the power to really make me laugh. that style that makes it difficult to breathe or hold in your pee. despite the distance we have between us, he has made the effort to not only keep in touch, but remain one of my best friends. i love him more than could be explained in an online blog... that phil is the only current reader of.

favorite memories: road trip - the first day i met phil, we bonded over our love of alien ant farm. the next day we took a road trip together to meet the band in palo alto. i have a tattoo to remember that trip, which, although a huge risk sleeping in my car with a stranger driving, was one of the best moments of my life. hollywood promotions - to promote truANT, alien ant farm's last album on dreamworks, we made a video of us raiding hollywood with posters and such. my favorite part was when we tried to sneak into the mother daughter tea party at hollywood and highland. christmas party at mike's - after the christmas acoustic show in ontario mills, we were invited to mike cosgrove's home (the one that was on mtv's cribs) for a party. the party was not as much fun as getting lost on the way there... we took the wrong jarupa (it was the 2nd jarupa!). we passed a sad looking dog standing in the rain and phil said, what i consider to be, the funniest thing i've ever heard in my life... *pouty face* "i'm a dog in riverside". strata show/ the diner - in all my attempts to quit drugs, the only person who was even the slightest bit supportive was phil. and not just slightly... at the strata show he helped force feed me (cause i had gone 3 days without food); helped relax me when i went into the shakes; and when we went to the diner with the band afterwards, he held my hair when i was throwing up outside. i couldn't ask for someone better to help me through that. comedy - we went to a zach show together, we myspace each other the funniest hidden gems from youtube, even helped me steal a cone in san bernadino (which i had to carry while sitting on his lap in kadaver and vicker's car, cause we hitched a ride)... we do anything and everything in the name of fun.

gramps - my favorite person. ever.

how/when we met: when i was born, i was taken to my grandparents place upon my release from the hospital. he had made a giant sign that said, "welcome home magna".

why he is in the "fantastic 4": gramps is the closest thing to a father i had as a child. although i lived with him, and he raised me as his own child, he never once appeared angry, frustrated, or upset with me. to this day, whenever i'm around him, he acts like his only purpose in life is to protect me and make me happy. i'm lucky that i've experienced unconditional love.

favorite memories: snowmobile - when it snowed, he would put bread bags over my shoes and take me for a ride on the snowmobile. i would have my head buried in this back, holding on for dear life cause he would drive so fast. i was never scared as long as i was holding onto him, even when we crashed. the cow - gramps has lived in the same home since way before i was born, and he use to raise cows. one day i was in the field petting one of them, and it bumped me a little bit, which knocked me over. gramps instantly broke a coke bottle and chased the cow around the pasture for a good 20 mins. he never had cows on the property after that. "she's mine" - gran and gramps had this game where they would pick me up and each pull me towards them saying 'she's mine', 'no, she's mine'... back and fourth. it's was just a stupid game, but still made me feel loved. night time/pancakes - everytime i slept at their house (which is a lot, because i lived with them), gramps would come down in the middle of the night and cover my feet, because i kicked the blankets off. in the morning, he would carry me upstairs and make my favorite food, pancakes, for breakfast. he would cut them up, then offer me every topping known to man, even though he knew i only wanted butter. he is 77, and he still does this ritual every time is spend the night. he is a strong old guy.

tim - undefined, but perfect.

how/when we met - i was briefly employed by a canvassing company called 'dialogue direct' in 2005. tim was one of the employees there, and for the very reason he is in my 4, he instantly became the only thing that got me excited to goto work everyday.

why he is in my 'fantastic 4': he is the only person i've met who has the potential to truly understand me. although he has not yet made the effort, i know if he ever did, i would at last connect to another human being on a level that i have searched for all my life. he doesn't judge me for being different, he encourages my 'crazy' behavior, and he because of his past, he is the only person i feel comfortable with when talking about emotional issues that haunt me. no matter how good people's intentions are with their advice or input, they will never be able to comfort me without going through it themselves. he has, and, like me, he is still able to enjoy life. of course, i couldn't help but fall in love with him. i'll admit that this feeling has been in me for years, but i just recently realized that it's unlike anything else i've ever felt, and it isn't going to leave me. i've fallen hard into 'crushes' before, and although i was upset when it didn't work out, the feeling eventually disappeared. with tim it's different. i know it's not a crush, it's love... as ridiculous as it sounds i figured it out when i determined that the pain of him being with someone else did not hurt as much as it should, because i just wanted him to be happy. i'm okay with my love being one sided, and i'm okay with him knowing how i feel. i'm not gonna lie, it would be ecstasy and a dream come true to have my feelings reciprocated; however, if it never happens, i will continue to love him all my life.

favorite memories: we're sexy bitches - the first memory i have with tim was when he made me stand on the street corner, hold his hands, and scream "we're sexy bitches!" with him. nobody has ever asked me to do anything that required me to do something fitting to my personality trait of not following the unspoken rules of public conduct. this was the first time i had instantly felt a connection with someone, and it was deeper than many of my long term friendships. the train tracks - we went drinking at a bar near tim's home one night, and after reaching the point of inebriation, he began walking me home (2nd and w. burnside, across the river). when crossing on the steel bridge, we climbed up from the pedestrian walkway onto the fenced off train tracks. the romance (not between two people, but explanation of the imagery) of the stars, the water, the city lights, the privacy, and being 'out of bounds' so we're seeing this image from a view few will get... that moment was perfection. once we crossed, he had me lay down in the middle of the street with him, where we talked for a few minutes, then stumbled home. despite what happened in my apartment, i still considered the early events of the night to be the most romantic of my life. dancer in the dark - we watched this movie together. simply put, he is the only person i have ever allowed to see me cry at a movie. and he understood, appreciated, and consoled me. heartbreaker. mr. miyagi nite - following pat morita's death, tim joined my roommates and i in a 'mr. miyagi nite' filled with sushi, saki, headbands, and the karate kid. everything about that night, including the fight we had (minus my asshole statement that i feel horrid about), made me love him more. emails to alaska - upon my return from LA, i was given the news of tim's move to alaska. it crushed me to hear about his move, and i thought my chances of continuing a friendship with him were over. after finding him on myspace, i finally decided it was important that i tell him everything. the way i feel about him, how much he means to me, and how, more than anyone i've ever met, he has changed my life for the better. although he couldn't return the feelings, he didn't not push me away or dismiss me for the way i felt. he was kind and heartfelt in his replies, and made more efforts to keep in touch with me. any other guy would have been scared of it, and cut ties (especially if they lived that far away), but, like he always does, he did the opposite of "normal". i love that.

so, those are my most prized and heavily protected relationships. upon threats of pain or death, i will never let these people leave my life, because, although i am emotionally self reliant, i consider them to be a part of who i am. it's these 4 that have given me any and all good qualities i have. and, heaven forbid, anyone tries to fuck with them... that day will be their last.

picture of stickfigure in hard hat

smeg — Thu, 10 May 2007 18:31:20 -0400

because the iblog site is updating, i'm only able to post a quick picture today... this is going to be page one of 'smeg' the comic. pretty cool, huh? ps. anyone else remember the mario bros. tv show?

# of times you had sex this year? bagel.

smeg — Wed, 09 May 2007 11:03:42 -0400

to start today, i would like to add a quick quote that has always made me laugh. for some context, karl, a slightly simple minded artist/writer from england was invited to watch 'brokeback mountain' by stephen merchant and ricky gervais. after the first gay sex scene, they paused the movie to discuss it with karl. although there was a lot of funny remarks, this one always gets me:

"could the movie still happen if they weren't gay? is it a cowboy film, and thats just a bit of filler?"

looks like that's going to end the day as well, because i am worn out after walking 7 miles (not exaggerating) from estacada to my parent's home in dodge. all i can say is oregonians are dicks on the road. not one person (cops included) stopped to offer me a ride, when i was clearly miles from anywhere. but they had no problems honking at me, yelling cat calls, and the usual man-bastard activities they think proves their superiority over the female gender. they make loud noises to prove they are in control (or to prove dominate penis size). whatever the case may be, here is my stance:

1. i won't fuck you.

2. if you don't want to offer me a ride, don't insult me with your obnoxious audio as well

3. any other questions you have, please refer to #1.